Anxiety Level: Approaching Combustion

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March 3, 2015 by 60shadesofpurple

I haven’t slept in 3 days.

Last night I had to force myself to eat something because I haven’t eaten in 3 days.

I’m trying to keep myself occupied as much as possible.

I’ve been grading papers and making tests…

The bad part is that I’ve been home alone for 3 days. Roommates are coming back late tonight, thankfully.

When I’m alone and not distracted things are gonna be bad. They have been.

Sometimes I just pace back and forth.

Sometimes I just lay on my bed and stare at the ugly flower impressions in my ceiling..debating if that is a nail hole or a bug, but it never moves so I assume it is a nail hole.

Listening to playlists that I have specifically for when I’m depressed, anxious, sad. Whatever.

The height of my anxiety is directly proportioned to how much I care.

I’m thankful that today is the last day I have to teach this week. Midterms. Today’s lesson will be short too.

I made myself workout yesterday. It helped a lot. It was my own special way of torturing myself..I will do it again today.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it better. I want to reach out, but I don’t know if it is my place to do so.

I’m scared. Petrified. Has it been enough time? Too much? Should I just give up? Should I care?

UGH! I wish I could tell you a lot of things right now. a lot.